I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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