oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
