I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
