I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
