I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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