my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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