before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
