In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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