I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
