Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
