What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
