i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
