Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
