ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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