pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
