I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
