My brain says no but my pants say off.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
