If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize