dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
two words...techno handjob
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
