I need help removing her.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
