Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
