she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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