Dual....:-)
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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