mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
