so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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