At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
