whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
