I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
