sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize