your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.