Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.