He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
birth control should be required to get into college
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste