she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!