I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.