Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
