i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
