I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
