i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
