Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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