i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You took a bar mat shot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
