also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He felt like a one man threesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
