One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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