i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
