I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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