We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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