You smell like stripper and shame
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
