bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
