dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
