Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
