I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
