The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
