I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
