Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
