You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
