I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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