I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
