took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
